Confessions by St. Augustine

This book transcends time and spoke to my heart on numerous occasions while I worked through it. St. Augustine is known as the Doctor of Grace of the catholic church and no wonder why. It took him 30 years to come to the faith, and tested God’s patience every step until his conversion. He’s known for the quote.

"O Lord, make me chaste, but not yet!"

~ Book 8, Chapter 7

There are portions of the book I would need to do further research on such as the theological claim of Manichaeism, which were the beliefs Augustine had before his conversion. But the portions of the book I most enjoyed was his prayer like devotionals to God. Book 1 chapter 4 and book 10 chapter 6 literally oozes his awe and reverence towards God as he describes to the reader who he worships. St. Augustine’s background in rhetoric is on full display throughout the pages.

He has been able to describe feelings and thoughts I have had that I couldn’t find the correct way to phrase it; this man was born 1700+ years ago. He struggled and came to the faith kicking and screaming and I resonated with that.

“For even what I know about myself I only know because your light shines upon me; and what I do not know about myself I shall continue not to know until I see your face to face and my dusk is noonday”

~ Book 10, Chapter 5

There have been people in his life who were instrumental to his conversion, but his mom especially. His mother, Monica, married a pagan so Augustine saw both worlds. She prayed for him continually for her son to come to the faith.

“And now You “stretched forth Your hand from above” and drew my soul up out of that profound darkness of Manicheism because my mother Monica, Your faithful one, wept to You on my behalf more than mothers are accustomed to weep for the bodily deaths of their children. For by the light of the faith and spirit which she received from You, she saw that I was dead. And You heard her, O Lord, You heard her and did not despise her tears when, pouring down, they watered the earth under her eyes in every place where she prayed. You truly heard her.”

~ Book 3, Chapter 11

I teared up in a cafe as my eyes crawled across the page reading his recollection of one of the last conversations with his mom. They talked what Heaven was like and for a moment they were able to ascend close to the divinity of God but as soon as they realized they were back in their bodies with syllables leaving their lips. The chapter ends with the following.

"My son, for my part I find no further pleasure in this life. What I am still to do or why I am here in the world, I do not know, for I have no more to hope for on this earth. There was one reason, and one alone, why I wished to remain a little longer in this life, and that was to see you a Catholic Christian before I died. God has granted my wish and more besides, for I now see you as his servant, spurning such happiness as the world can give. What is left for me to do in this world?"

~ Book 9, Chapter 10

Then 5 days later his mother passes.

After book 10, Confessions shifts from an autobiography to theological and philosophical sandbox. I need to revisit this portion since he dives in to things such as “what is time?”, “subjective experience”, and “multiple interpretation of scripture”. Regardless, his impact on the church and those who have been blessed to read this piece of work are tremendous. God I started this just because of a debate that arose at Roosevelt Coffee House on the literal interpretation of Genesis vs an allegorical one. Funnily enough St. Augustine’s states his view on creation in the last book of Confessions. I thought I knew where this book was taking me. I didn't. I am thankful for that.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

~ St. Augustine of Hippo

Leaf I found after finishing up this post as I was leaving Roosevelt